Archive for the ‘Match Reports’ Category

Heroics at Jevington

Saturday, May 28th, 2016

It’s all about communication. And the skipper was mightily relieved to carry out a head count at 12.47 on Sunday afternoon and reach the magic 11, despite never having actually confirmed the final line up, not to mention the added bonus of Frank filling the combined scorer/treasurer role and Jan maintaining her uncontested position as legendary supporter.
With the team dispatched Jevington-bound thoughts turned to tactics. The usual confused, uninformed chatter regarding our strengths as a chasing team, our weaknesses as a penetrating bowling force and possible game formats danced back and forth between the skipper’s travelling companions. The conclusion was that we should bat second on the basis that the bowlers could enjoy a large tea!
We arrived in glorious sunshine simultaneously with the opposition and as tall, sinewy youths peeled themselves out of back seats we realised that we were not facing a team that even approached the average age of the beamers (only kept below 50 by the very welcome presence of Jack Renshaw).
The opposing skipper, one of the sinewy youths, completely misread the toss and called a hugely optimistic “heads”. It was tails and the Beamers skipper instantly inserted Jevington to their fate. Buoyed by the knowledge of an extensive tea the Beamers bowlers were pawing at the ground in anticipation.
The pre-match huddle was really an excuse to wish a very happy 65th birthday to Jonners “the cat” Jonners with the morale boosting “Win it for Jonners” being the game plan.
Opening with Greg “Blackadder” Blackadder and Renshaw senior against the opening batters of Youth and Sinew it wasn’t long before the first breakthrough. Glen, using a devious change of length and width drew the batsman into playing early. The ball looped high into the air towards a slightly pensive looking mid-off Jack Edwards. It has to be said that in pre-match warm up Jack had dropped just about everything that came his way. The total silence that followed the ball through its trajectory towards Jack reflected the possibly dented confidence in the catch being taken. There should have been no doubt as the ball was safely pouched.
There followed a period of excellent bowling from Bladder and Renshaw, Glen picking up another very useful wicket of the skipper and Mark being just too good to actually claim a wicket. Reference to the economy will describe the quality of the spell. A change was required and on came Renshaw junior (another Jack) and Chafey (another Lord). Niall managed a marvellous spell producing three lovely wickets including a hat-trick ball while Jack R was cruelly denied his first Beamer wicket for a second time (his father had fled to long leg claiming he could not take the pressure of dropping another off his son’s bowling) as a rocket from the eventual top scorer with a 50 was spilled. “no one would have caught that!”
It was time for spin. A mesmerising spell of left arm orthodox (actually I don’t have a clue what it is described as) coming down the hill and right arm leg spin coming down the other hill kept batter, fielders and audience royally entertained. The A&E master class in “using the loop” was parsimonious if a bit wicketless. The leg spin was expensive for the first three overs as the nine months of rust were shaken off and the spell nearly came to an end right there. However in a moment of captaining brilliance Riggers was kept in place to magically haul in three wickets in two overs of an unplayable mix of leg breaks an googlies. Genius!
The spin binding spell bowling spell came to an end and we continued with the never ending supply of bowling talent as on came safe hands Jack and the legend Rob Nicholls. We were into the tail and runs had dried up but the final wicket (they only had 10) was elusive. Rob Nicholls solved the problem with a bizarre piece of self-pressurising reverse psychology. He stated to the skipper “I’ll have one more then you should come on”. No sooner had the skip started creaking into a semblance of a warm up than Rob produced an in-swinger of sublime quality to remove middle stump. Jevington all out for 116 with 34 minutes of batting time remaining. Well bowled, well fielded!
Tea. Nothing more need be said other than it has been voted tea of the season already. The successful tactic of batting second allowing the bowlers to gorge themselves was slightly misunderstood by Maf (batting 3) who reached the end of the table with his plate groaning under the strain of beautifully prepared goodies. The bowlers (all eight of them) naturally did gorge themselves during a tea which took at least 15 minutes longer than usual.
We eventually arrived at a batting order largely selected on the basis of who could still move and Riggers and Lord Chafey made their way to the centre. Under instruction to “have a look” for the first 30 minutes and then accelerate through to victory the score book began to tick. Bowlers Sinew and Youth opened the attack with a mixture of pace and accuracy. Both batsmen strolled into double figures when Chafey suffered the merest brush of an outside (maybe inside, I was only umpiring after all!) edge. So mere was the brush that the aforementioned umpire was not inclined to raise the finger having heard nothing untoward. Standards were properly maintained however when Chafey quite correctly walked. Fair play! Sinew was replaced at the pavilion end by taller, faster, leaner, south African Sinew who bowled 8 overs of impressive, fast, outswinging, off-breaking deliveries. Obviously this was way too good for any Beamers to get anywhere near so he only managed one wicket. Glen Blackadder Blackadder shone with the bat overcoming the pace and guile of the attack to amass 41 and with some support from the skipper we came within 10 of victory. Then came the second Chafey LBW issued to a work colleague that afternoon and Black could adder no more to his score (hmm). It was about this time that the umpire was handed the bowler’s right boot with the sole hanging off and the right arm off spin continued with one stockinged foot.
So Beamers 106 for 6 and into the fray enters Jack Renshaw looking, if we are honest, slightly pale and nervous. In a very non pale and un-nervous three balls Jack clipped a legside delivery to square leg for two, drove a straight ball to long off for another two and nonchalantly nudged a quick single to steel the strike. 5 to win. Jevington, in a desperate last throw of the die reverted back to the fast, accurate opener. The skipper wondered momentarily on the likelihood of Renshaw junior being given LBW by Renshaw senior. The next ball tested this conundrum for the father. A fast ball flashed between bat and pad, a noise, a huge shout, a nervous look up from the son, and implacable father quietly and sagely shaking his head muttering words like “pad”. The bowler, clearly furious, stormed in to deliver the next ball intent on taking off young Jack’s head. The chest high beamer was clipped (possibly edged) between keeper and slip for four. Game tied. Another fast ball on leg stump simply clipped to square leg and the game is in the bag. Well played and welcome to the team Jack Renshaw.

Beer followed in the 8 Bells and then the Good Companions. What a great day!!

Thank you Beamers.

Portslade 21 June – Benfield Valley

Saturday, July 4th, 2009

The approach to Benfield Valley takes you through Sainsbury’s car park and past the petrol station hawking fuel at “1p off per litre with every £50 spent in store”. Once past the smell of diesel a sharp left turn brings you out into an unexpected setting. The tree enclosed pitch headed by the pavilion cum bar gives no clue as to the immediate surroundings. Only the occasional motorbike with no heed to urban speed limits gives away the fact that this pitch is enclosed beyond the verdure by main roads and industry.

The start of the game was not the normal calm approach favoured by Beamers’ skippers. A case of lost car keys meant that the vice captain (the always dependable F Rigby) had to carry out the toss in the absence of any higher authority. The toss won and with wise understanding of the state of some senior batsmen’s heads Frank chose to field. (Beamers arriving home at 4.00am the night before a match will be discussed at the next disciplinary hearing!). The actual skipper, by this time tearing along the Old Shoreham Road, was informed by telephone of the situation. Clarke and Cordery were informed via the same medium that they were to open the bowling.

At 2.28 there were 8 Beamers on the pitch. At 2.29 and 30 seconds we had the full compliment of 11 and with only the faintest hint of flusteredness the Beamers had transformed into the honed machine that has destroyed many a batting line up.
Nick Clarke opened up with a salvo of pacey length bowling and we only had to wait until his third over for the killer leg stump yorker to come into play ripping out the stumps of the promising number 3. Isaac Cordery bowling medium fast left arm over from the Shoreham Road end was loose to start with but once the correct line had been found became trickier and prior to the Clarke wicket had found the outside edge of a wafty poke, the ball looping to a grateful Nicholls swooping at gulley. 20 odd for 2.

Out came the number 4. Skipper, left-handed and described by Rigby F as having a gait and demeanour not dissimilar to Kepler Wessels. He was to prove troublesome.
Cordery was replaced by Nicholls and what followed was 5 overs of the best example of medium paced swingy, lengthy, seamy, drifty mesmerising bowling that Benfield Valley is ever likely to witness. A staunch in the flow of runs and two wickets taking out off stump was the reward for his efforts. “I’ve no idea where this has come from” was the bowler’s insight to the killer spell. 74-4
7 overs of spearing pace from the pavilion end saw the end of Clarke’s impressive opening spell and he wandered off to fine leg to nurse another slightly sore head.
On came the leg spin of Rigby R. Although whether the ball or his head was spinning the most is a matter for debate. Despite defeating the bat almost every other ball there was no joy until a leading edge from one that turned back into the right hander became a smartly taken caught and bowled. There was also unfortunately the biggest 6 of the day dispatched (by what looked like a league player to us)into the car park scattering shoppers and shopping alike. Small boys were sent into the thorny bushes to find the ball. Beamers were making steady progress but the left handed captain proved immovable and his 50 arrived.

Nicholls was replaced by Chafey who inspired his captain into the change with ” if you like, but last time I bowled like a drain”. More train than drain this time though and with 3-36 Chafey produced the best bowling figures of the day. A nicely taken catch at mid off by Ryan Nixon saw to the big hitter. This fielding display was not emulated at mid on where the skipper dropped a skier and a drive in the same over and performed mis-fields and acrobatics in a display of comic inconsistency. After studying the wreckage of another spilled chance Chafey decided to take the advice of Rigby B and promptly bowled his next victim. Another safe catch in the gulley by Nicholls brought the oppo to 8 down.

The left handed skipper was still there and was taking a liking to Riggers leg spin.
With a final throw of the dice the skipper brought on himself and Eaton A to close out the innings. A&E had some joy with a successful LBW against a failed reverse sweep.

The left handed skipper was still there. And sadly still there at the end when he successfully completed his century and declared leaving Eaton high and dry with no potential victims to snaffle. 227-9 dec.

Having received retribution from one of the hangovers about negativity during the first innings the skipper became upbeat about what looked like a large total. With the words “good pitch”, “short boundary”, “fast outfield” and “hangovers clearing” still echoing off the shrubbery a very tasty tea was taken.

The plan, as I recall it, was for the openers Rigby F and Rigby R to take stock over the first 10 overs, score what was on offer but take no chances. After 10 overs the acceleration would take us beyond the required run-rate and Rigby B and Clarke N could take over once the openers had been seen off and bring us home. The engine room of Nixon, Chafey and Nicholls were in the wings if needed to wrap things up.
A good plan which sadly failed to take into account either the pace of the opening left armer or crucially the quality of the oppositions fielding and catching which , it has to be said, was outstanding.

Rigby R clipped a couple of lovely boundaries before falling to a sharp catch at gulley from a wide half volley.

Rigby F, looking very solid and rock-like, fell to one that moved away off the seam and was taken in the mid-riff of second slip. Sadly this all took place in the first three overs and, despite the interesting scorers fact that after 1.1 overs we had had one of each type of extra, the second phase of the master plan was brought into operation about 8 overs too early.

All was not lost though and the next 10 or so overs saw a nice partnership developing between Rigby B and Clarke N. Ben at his belligerent best and Nick ensuring that phase 3 of the master plan would not have to be brought forward kept us well up with and beyond the run rate.

It couldn’t last however and eventually Nick fell in the same way as Riggers and gulley took a superb catch which he didn’t look like he expected to hold judging by the surprised expression on his face.

Joined at the crease by Ryan who played well for his partner, Ben battled on until he finally fell on 47. A little like Custer’s last stand the heroes were falling and the circle of whooping indians was tightening.

Nicholls joined Chafey in the fray only to be another victim of a ridiculously good catch in the slips.

Out marched the skipper and amongst the hail of arrows and with smoke drifting across the bodies strew over the blood soaked ground Siddens and Chafey drew up the their final plans. A simple matter of a stand of 127 in 20 overs. As Custer discovered things don’t always go to plan. A few overs of defiance saw the skipper finally fall to a burning arrow with his name on it which was chipped weakly to short extra.

With the remnants of his comrades scattered around him Chafey battled on with one incredible over going for 16. The Beamers thin ray of hope was dashed an over later as the valiant Chafey was bowled (in an all round man-of-the-match-worthy effort) for 49.

The chance of victory was gone but could we survive the remaining 11 overs. Isaac, Andrew Eaton and Jonners were all that stood between Portslade and victory.
A fine innings by Isaac including two beautiful leaves for 4 byes was not enough sadly to stall the inevitable for long. A spitting delivery with extra bounce caught the shoulder of Eaton’s bat and a shorter ball was missed by Isaac. Jonners, bereft of partners could do nothing but surrender and was lost amongst the swarms of victorious Blackfoot and Sioux.

It wasn’t until later that the reason for our defeat became obvious. As the Beamers collectively licked wounds and drank the bar dry of on tap bitter the victorious Portslade were back on the pitch practising with a stump for a bat and and fielding like their lives depended on it.
But in the evening sunshine with the youngsters dashing about it felt right as a Beamer to be sitting back reflecting on the game with a glass of ” Fursty Ferret” to hand.


Wall of Spin (c) Demolished in a Game of Two Halves

Friday, June 12th, 2009

After a typically Beameresque opening (The Beamers plus oppo turn up at East Brighton. Spare oppo turn up at Preston Park. Skipper gets phonecall from Musso notifying him about location of spare oppo in case he needs them. Team agree that Musso seems to be losing it. Musso feels negative vibes and phones skipper again to mention an email he sent to spare oppo in March cancelling fixture…), the match started on time at 14:30, with A&E losing the toss and The Beamers being invited to bat by the Southwater skipper on a decent looking pitch in lovely and sunny East Brighton in a 40 overs game.

Scoring proved tricky in conditions conducive to swing against tight bowling and energetic fielding – at least, that’s what was reported by a steady stream of batsmen trooping back to the hutch. With a few wobbles along the way, a steady knock by Pete and some excellent hitting by Billy (40) and Ben (45 no), married with a late flurry of silky strokes by God (regaining his touch delightfully), were taking us towards a defendable total when disaster struck.

No, I’m not referring to Maf’s inability to distinguish between making use of his abilities (his glorious drive for four off his first ball) and being The Entertainer (getting out again swishing across the line a couple of balls later). Even worse than this, the rain clouds which had been threatening to deposit their load on lovely (and now rather less sunny) East Brighton proceeded to do so. So instead of The Beamers’ 151 off 35 overs being Ben and Gordy’s launch pad to something special (and with A&E and Jonners champing at the bit, who knows what glorious heights could have been reached?), it became the target for Southwater to chase.

Imagine the turmoil the skipper felt as the rain clouds cleared and the Southwater openers strode out to bat – our only seamer was Gordy, with the Wall of Spin (c) to follow and a red ball of soap without the rope to bowl with…

But glory be – Golden Arm strikes in the first over (nice catch, Ben) and a victory looks very much up for grabs. Until we realise that we were up against an Oppo Left-Handed Opener Who Could Actually Bat A Bit. As in, had already got three centuries this season. For their first team. Bugger.

In spite of sterling efforts from Gordy and the Wall of Spin (c) in now terrible bowling conditions, the score rose at an alarming rate, punctuated only by another good catch by Ben off Riggers (not the OL-HOWCABAB unfortunately), a couple of close calls and some comedy fielding by the skipper, including a retrieval of the ball from the second tier of the East Brighton terracing which was hopefully not captured on camera. (Am a little concerned that Siddo, watching on the sidelines, may have been packing a Pentax…)

And then. Too little, too late: chaos. With 20 runs to win, the skipper finally acknowledges his responsibility to contribute to the team’s performance and brings himself on. Three overs of Dob generate three wickets (a collector’s item stumping from Jonners, and a couple of good catches from Pete and Billy) and with another Riggers victim (thanks to a wonderful catch from Billy) Southwater were suddenly 6 wickets down – best of all, the OL-HOWCABAB was out for 98.

The scores were level: could The Beamers pull off a miraculous tie?

(Controversially, if we bowled them out, would we even win on fewer wickets lost?)


Southwater win by 4 wickets.

Tangmere Match Report

Sunday, May 17th, 2009

Cold, wet and frankly a day for calling it off. But we didn’t and we
A prompt 2.10 start saw the beamers win the toss and decide to bowl. The
thinking being that poor early batting conditions would be replaced
later scorching sunshine, successful run chase! With Tangmere at 153 – 0
the skipper was beginning to have second thoughts. The game started in
sunshine with some highish whispy cloud and a damp pitch. The opening
attack of Mussett (first outing of the season and only 3 short of the
second time he will have passed 500 Beamer’s wickets) and Lowe
(returning after last week’s searing second spell) bowled with pace,
tenacity and in Marlon’s case accuracy. Pete Bailey behind the stumps
was having to be at his acrobatic best for the occasional Musso ball
which just drifted past the leg stump.
Four overs later and it started to drizzle. Not hard enough to go off
but hard enough to turn Marlon’s cricketing spikes into footwear
normally seen adorning the lower limbs of Torville and Dean.
Run ups shortened, pace dropped, runs flowed.
The skidding Lowe was replaced by the now frowning skipper who trundled
in for a few with one notable delivery missing the outside edge by a
whisker and three not so notable full tosses casually dispatched over
mid-wicket for 6!
Muttering Musset was replaced by the veteran Renshaw who bowled with
dependable length and inswing. Sadly it was not to be Mark’s day either
with none of the several, admittedly difficult, half chances staying in
the fielders grip for long enough for the umpire to decide that the ball
was fully under control.
Time to turn to spin.
From the bottom end beautiful, nagging line and length off-spin from the
Southern Hemispherean left arm of Billy Hughie (spelling?). From the top
end the distinctive spitting leg breaks of Rigby R. That slowed them
donw a bit!
Jan was masterful in her timing of arriving with the paper cups just in
time for the drinks break and only just after the Tangmere opening bat
enquired of the skipper as to whether drinks were “problematic”.
An inspiring team talk was all that was needed to refuel and rejuvenate
the slightly sagging moral of the by now rather soggy Beamers and after
drinks new optimism was evident. Hughie (spelling?) with 11-0-3-17
reduced the oppo to nervous twitching sloggers and Rigby chipped in with
some bamboozlment of his own and even a rare LBW pitching on leg and
staying straight.
With the end of the innings approaching Mussett was brought back from
the top end to rediscover some magic and rip out the tail, a plan which
was only patially successful.
Tangmere 221 – 4
With a rather large hill to climb the skipper decided to open with thte
big guns only to find that the young gun had pulled hamstring and could
barely walk. A runner was discussed and very rapidly dismissed as
And so experience was decided upon for a thoughtful platform with the
fireworks to come later. At 1-2 another rethink was in order!
In walks the Southern Hemispherean left arm this time with the rest of
his limbs accompanied by Maf “do not, whatever else you do, play across
the line”Moor.
A splendid exhibition of hitting provided us with some hope Billy 44,
Maf 20. In comes the Sri Lanken Marlon Lowe slightly up in the order and
how he responded. Measured defence and attack resulting in a superb 40.
This was followed by Rigby R with a flowing, gracious 31.
The sad truth though wsa the run rate which started at about 6 had
climbed to over 10 and with the fall of Riggers we dhad to batton down
the hatches and not only against the rain which had persisted throughout
the innings to make the day unpleasant.
It was left to Bailey and Rigby B (hamstring, no runner and indeed no
running at all) to see out the last 4 overs which they successfully did.
A draw Beamers remain unbeaten in 2009.
Well done to Tangmere by the way for an exhibition of batting and
sticking at the fielding in the sogginess when many would have whinged
and pulled off. A fine group of men who we will be pleased to visit next

Tangmere Inns Beamers’

Siddo writes:

“It’s in the bag” – Watersfield 14th September

Sunday, September 14th, 2008

I’ve tried to write a witty, uplifting match report that somehow captured the tension and excitement this match produced but failed. In the end Musso’s succinct message couldn’t be bettered:

Watersfield Nightmare!

Its amazing how having to score 17 runs can suddenly seem like having to score 170 to win the game.

Oh the humanity!
Oh the humanity!

Siddo can be excused ( i suppose ) for being dismissed by what was said to be the best ball of the day. It was quite good i suppose, slipping between dimensions as it did on its way down the wicket and re-emerging from a wormhole to dip, turn and lift through a 5cm ‘Gate’ into middle stump.
Steven Hawkings has been informed of the event and was lost for words……

I hold myself in contempt for feeling completely comfortable and then chipping a leg side delivery into the hands of Watersfields best fielder.

Maf, you just need to listen to me. Unfortunately the ‘take the lid off’ approach that had been planned when we got past 50 with no wickets down probably didn’t help.

Esso was conscious of having to score at least 8 off every delivery when only 0.03 of a run was actualy required.

Smith decided that rather than kicking the ball away he would let it roll gently onto his back foot which was planted firmly in front of middle stump.

John Riches will have to go down in the book as ‘did not bat’.

Anyone not mentioned above, however, did a good job.

Beamers lose by one run