Archive for April, 2007

Palmers Beat

Sunday, April 29th, 2007

You have to feel sorry for Nigel.
The man responsible for carving a sublime wicket out of a stud marked municipal park, who’s been a guiding hand in turning a casual side formed around the time of ours into a lottery-funded council-granted multiple-teamed league-playing youth-squadded club, seems utterly unable to muster a troop capable of beating the Beamers.
As his chances have gone, today he never came close. Winning the toss he elected to bat. On the customary fine track and awful outfield that is the modern Rec a total of 200 plus was there for the taking and nothing less required to make the Beamers so much as break into a sweat.
Instead the Palmers scratched around, failing to cope with balls sent their way with pace and guile, our bowlers sharing wickets around evenly. The newcomers were amongst the action. The Aussie Matt, fitting perfectly into the classical mould (or is that mold?) of Beamers seamers opened and snared Palmers 1st XI skipper no less, still recoiling from a helmet bashing Cave bouncer delivered moments before. The Vicar of Dobley, having arrived a little late and completed introductions to all including of course God, came on 3rd change. Mutterings in the field that the G-force seemed strong with his left arm round proved accurate as he tucked one behind the legs to dismiss Nigel.
Off what seemed like an interminable 43 overs Palmers could but muster 163 for 7.
The chase was straightforward. A steady opening stand showcasing the Little Master and Grand Arthur crescendoed to its half century. Smithers went in at the fall of Dave, who’d obviously shot his load with successive boundaries the previous over, and played a sublime 34. Matt, promoted to keep up momentum, followed Pete with the tally in the mid 70’s. The new Greg with bowling? No. Talk on the boundary of Aussie Beamers of course brought out dewey eyed reminiscence, but this wasn’t a display of Flintian rectitude. Instead we were treated to a brutish display of mainly backfoot driving amongst them a steepling six, dismantling of any flicker of Palmers’ hope that the game was there to be drawn. A little wobble when Smithy was out with Garner’s swiftish dismissal and the new all rounder Frank’s golden one was never really going to threaten and the target reached in 34 overs with 5 in hand.
Arthur 24; Bailey 20; Smith 34; Henderson 61 n.o.

Palmers Innings:

Beamers Innings:

Palmers Teamsheet

Friday, April 27th, 2007

Played 1, Won 1

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

That’s Horsedean 108 all out
Esso 4 for 16; Rigby 3 for 13; Jonners catches x3; Jugs-a-plenty

Horsedean 1st Half

Sunday, April 22nd, 2007

Beamers win toss, bat & post 152 all out.
Pete 25; New Matt 39; Rob Nic 18; Niall 16; Rob Sid 15


Saturday, April 21st, 2007


Please click on the following poster, print and distribute.

For further information on the fugitive Lord Chafey of Loxhore please click this Link

C’est La Bete

Thursday, April 19th, 2007

Une correspondance a ete recu de la Grande Bete:

“Dear Beamers All

First of all apologies for being such a poor correspondent. My excuse is that, firstly, it has not proved easy to obtain a phone line and then an internet account. However, even had such things been immediately forthcoming, my computer was, until recently, languishing in a warehouse in Rustington and even on its arrival there was no dust-free environment within which to locate it until a week or so ago. These pre-conditions for effective communication have now all been met!

We have been labouring long and hard to create some comfortable space within the hostile environment that is our french home and have succeeded in some measure not least of all in terms of the high-tech, display-model, luxury kitchen which we transported from a show room in Kensington Gardens and installed somewhat incongruously in decaying 300 year old surroundings. It has attracted attention from the occasional french workman who has been persuaded to cross our threshhold. They ask us why, when the English obviously have no culinary flair and indeed prefer to eat shit, we have need of two ovens and a microwave. We have no ready answer. The neighbours gather outside the window through which the gleaming stainless steel kitchen’s contours are clearly visible and murmur, perhaps in appreciation, perhaps disgust – their collective lack of teeth and ferocious local accent make understanding difficult.

In truth they are friendly and welcoming and make it clear that anyone would be better than those bastards from Paris.

There are a not insignificant number of British ex-pats living locally though thankfully not too many in the town itself. They can often be found in an English-run bar where they discuss optimum locations for SKY satellite dishes and the problems of obtaining decent egg and chips. Needless to say we have thrown ourselves into this lively social scene with great gusto.

The town itself is chocolate-box pretty and a delight to wander through at all hours but in all other respects it would seem to match perfectly Nick’s description of it as the most boring place on earth. We shall see. The surrounding countryside is exquisite and we walk for miles without seeing another soul. This is fortunate as Oscar has extended his list of people whom he perceives to be different and therefore feels obliged to bark at (old people, mad people, people in wheelchairs etc) to include French people.

In all other respects we are fine, fit and well and enjoying the many and various challenges this new life poses.

However, as May approaches my thoughts naturally turn to cricket and I will be with you in spirit on Thursday evenings and Sundays. Can I look forward to regular match stats and reports? Is there to be a tour, will there always be an England?

Lots of love


First sighting of the season of the Lesser-Spotted Mckenna

Saturday, April 14th, 2007

Sharing an ice cream or 3 with Owen, straight off the reel he asks me if I’d still be around in 30 minutes as he’d be passing back the other way driving a motorised wheel chair.

THAT I’d like to have seen.

First Net Dispatches

Saturday, April 14th, 2007

1. Matt is the new Rob.
Having lost one Rob to the seductions of the South of France, as with Hydra two new heads appear calling themselves Matt. One an Aussie, who featured briefly last season at Rottingdean and one other game, generating comments of showing a likeness to Matty Haydn with the bat at least showing that Beamers’ talent for hyperbole remains undiminished despite winter break. The other another recruit from that rich seam of cricketing Probation Officers, a Northern Matt, showing a talent for expansive driving.

2. Training is the new Nets.

3. Jonners is to celebrate his 39th birthday the week after Smithy’s 40th with a party at his gaff, that’s Sat 19th May, the entire worlds’ population invited.

How about that. Battle Removed poster.

Friday, April 6th, 2007

Bugger . The staff at the battle have removed the poster.