Archive for April, 2008

New Season, New Beamers , New Boobs and Panties

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

With the sight and sound of the IPL Cheerleaders still resonating around the minds of some of the squad, Brighton Beamers CC began the 2008 season with a tricky away game against Southern Cross at Horsdean. Despite the motions passed and the new resolve pledged around improving communication and organisation at the AGM, preparation for the match was marred by what can only be poetically described as a “fuck up” in getting an agreed time to start play. Fingers were pointed, aspersions flung and rockets prepared for the tired arse of an absent absent-minded old skool Beamer. On the positive side a handsome new scorebook was available, its purchase no indication of guilt as to who had lost the previous one. (Last time I recall it was in the back of Musso’s car, anyway there’s no need here for spurious recriminations right now so let’s get on with the match report.)

The Beamers welcomed three new members to the fold – Ben, Dave and James Dean – as well as welcoming A&E’s new boots and Frank’s new circus like warm up routine.

” God morphs into Harold Shipman and appears to want to join the Circus..tame those lions”

The sky was blue, the sun shone and all was good in Beamerland. The toss was then lost and eyebrows raised, as, put into bat on a damp pitch, some Beamers thought their place in the order did not reflect previous close of season form with the willow. Of more concern was the state of The Cats’ kit and the hint of whisky breath. Whilst admitting he had been heavily on the lash with some young kittens the night before he assured comrades that his ability behind the stumps would remain the same.

God and Pete opened and strode out to the crease with the purpose of lions ready to devour antelope, wildebeest and the Southern Cross opening attack: guile and artistry their chosen cutlery for the feast. Unfortunately a spoon would have been preferable as the spongy pudding of a wicket saw God back to the pavilion for an unusually low score. Enter the entertaining Woodworm sponsored number 3, and although the game was young he evidently felt the need to push the run rate along. A few mistimed swipes and some boundaries, which those Bangalore beauties no doubt would have swooned and cooed over, raised the tempo. It was not to last; the calming influence of Pete evaporated with his own departure and ‘The Entertainer’ played across the line once too often – out for forty – ouch!!. A&E sagely noting that any score on ‘that’ pitch is worth double. Newbies Ben, Dave and James Dean all tried to keep the pace up-beat but the pitch and the bowling was unforgiving and unforgivable. Beamers 56 for 5 and only 70 minutes gone.

The sky became greyer and the sun became shy. Darkness loomed like an uninvited Uncle on Xmas day. Never mind – hope was not yet a distant cousin: Marlon, Caveheart and Siddo were still full of intent, Sunday lunch and something to prove. Alas and alack their efforts were not to bear much more fruit and when the Beamers’ final partnership of jonners and dobmeister ended like a sorry romance we woke up and realised we had posted only 90 for the oppo to chase.

“The Cat ponders the Beamers score and keeps upright….note the fresh fleshy buttocks leftfield”


One sensed that the antelope and wildebeest were skipping smugly to the waterfront – yes even the wildebeest seemed to skip . But how glorious it is to see God give the nod to Cave and Marlon, and to witness their untamed purpose. With an opening attack like these soul brothers how could we fail to score on the dancefloor. Perhaps a little too untamed though as Marlon begins the season with a ‘Harmiston’ that even the The Cat can’t save. However the Beamers are, as ever, “on their toes, looking lively and staying focused”. Pride the only emotion as each fielder emoted belief in their capacity to make a difference. Obama supporters in North Carolina may chant “Yes We Can!” with gusto and brio but for a few minutes in Patcham on Sunday so did The Brighton Beamers Cricket Club and somehow it meant more. And then HOWZAT!! A fantastic caught and bowled by Caveheart was followed by an awesome skittling of the stumps by Marlon. Game On?

Canny as ever, God ensured slip placement was inch perfect and that during the tea break no wayward Beamer was to entertain the back of the pavilion with urine. “There are toilets inside” . Was it the tea break, the chocolate buns, the weak greased tea or the grandiose surroundings that broke the new found belief? Despite burning the Southern Cross to 65 for 6 (approximately) Beamers dropped some hard catches that could have altered history. Victory was not to be. An awesome caught and bowled by James Dean, some excellent fielding from Ben, Siddo and Marlon were all to no avail. The talented Southern Cross late order dispatched the tiring Beamers for the required etc etc with four overs remaining. Whilst some might rue this defeat, there was enough to ensure that Palmers will quake again at the thought that next Sunday a sharper, more battle hardened and hungry Beamer-shaped lion will roar at Hove Rec. Viva The Beamers!! Viva those sweethearts of Bangalore!!

Maf

New Season, New Beamers , New Boobs and Panties

Saturday, April 26th, 2008

With the sight and sound of the IPL Cheerleaders still resonating around the minds of some of the squad, Brighton Beamers CC began the 2008 season with a tricky away game against Southern Cross at Horsdean. Despite the motions passed and the new resolve pledged around improving communication and organisation at the AGM, preparation for the match was marred by what can only be poetically described as a “fuck up” in getting an agreed time to start play. Fingers were pointed, aspersions flung and rockets prepared for the tired arse of an absent absent-minded old skool Beamer. On the positive side a handsome new scorebook was available, its purchase no indication of guilt as to who had lost the previous one. (Last time I recall it was in the back of Musso’s car, anyway there’s no need here for spurious recriminations right now so let’s get on with the match report.)

The Beamers welcomed three new members to the fold – Ben, Dave and James Dean – as well as welcoming A&E’s new boots and Frank’s new circus like warm up routine.

” God morphs into Harold Shipman and appears to want to join the Circus..tame those lions”

The sky was blue, the sun shone and all was good in Beamerland. The toss was then lost and eyebrows raised, as, put into bat on a damp pitch, some Beamers thought their place in the order did not reflect previous close of season form with the willow. Of more concern was the state of The Cats’ kit and the hint of whisky breath. Whilst admitting he had been heavily on the lash with some young kittens the night before he assured comrades that his ability behind the stumps would remain the same.

God and Pete opened and strode out to the crease with the purpose of lions ready to devour antelope, wildebeest and the Southern Cross opening attack: guile and artistry their chosen cutlery for the feast. Unfortunately a spoon would have been preferable as the spongy pudding of a wicket saw God back to the pavilion for an unusually low score. Enter the entertaining Woodworm sponsored number 3, and although the game was young he evidently felt the need to push the run rate along. A few mistimed swipes and some boundaries, which those Bangalore beauties no doubt would have swooned and cooed over, raised the tempo. It was not to last; the calming influence of Pete evaporated with his own departure and ‘The Entertainer’ played across the line once too often – out for forty – ouch!!. A&E sagely noting that any score on ‘that’ pitch is worth double. Newbies Ben, Dave and James Dean all tried to keep the pace up-beat but the pitch and the bowling was unforgiving and unforgivable. Beamers 56 for 5 and only 70 minutes gone.

The sky became greyer and the sun became shy. Darkness loomed like an uninvited Uncle on Xmas day. Never mind – hope was not yet a distant cousin: Marlon, Caveheart and Siddo were still full of intent, Sunday lunch and something to prove. Alas and alack their efforts were not to bear much more fruit and when the Beamers’ final partnership of jonners and dobmeister ended like a sorry romance we woke up and realised we had posted only 90 for the oppo to chase.

“The Cat ponders the Beamers score and keeps upright….note the fresh fleshy buttocks leftfield”


One sensed that the antelope and wildebeest were skipping smugly to the waterfront – yes even the wildebeest seemed to skip . But how glorious it is to see God give the nod to Cave and Marlon, and to witness their untamed purpose. With an opening attack like these soul brothers how could we fail to score on the dancefloor. Perhaps a little too untamed though as Marlon begins the season with a ‘Harmiston’ that even the The Cat can’t save. However the Beamers are, as ever, “on their toes, looking lively and staying focused”. Pride the only emotion as each fielder emoted belief in their capacity to make a difference. Obama supporters in North Carolina may chant “Yes We Can!” with gusto and brio but for a few minutes in Patcham on Sunday so did The Brighton Beamers Cricket Club and somehow it meant more. And then HOWZAT!! A fantastic caught and bowled by Caveheart was followed by an awesome skittling of the stumps by Marlon. Game On?

Canny as ever, God ensured slip placement was inch perfect and that during the tea break no wayward Beamer was to entertain the back of the pavilion with urine. “There are toilets inside” . Was it the tea break, the chocolate buns, the weak greased tea or the grandiose surroundings that broke the new found belief? Despite burning the Southern Cross to 65 for 6 (approximately) Beamers dropped some hard catches that could have altered history. Victory was not to be. An awesome caught and bowled by James Dean, some excellent fielding from Ben, Siddo and Marlon were all to no avail. The talented Southern Cross late order dispatched the tiring Beamers for the required etc etc with four overs remaining. Whilst some might rue this defeat, there was enough to ensure that Palmers will quake again at the thought that next Sunday a sharper, more battle hardened and hungry Beamer-shaped lion will roar at Hove Rec. Viva The Beamers!! Viva those sweethearts of Bangalore!!

Maf

Notes From the Skippers Meeting – Held at the Battle of Trafalgar Some Weeks Ago

Saturday, April 26th, 2008


Games Still Requiring a Skipper:

  • Headliners – May 11
  • Tangmere – May 18
  • Portslade – June 22
  • Brighton Xiles – June 29
  • Patcham – July 6
  • Lewes St Michaels – July 13
  • Ditchling – July 20
  • Hove Unicorns – Sept 7

Come on you eager skippers – let’s be having you…

Meanderings, Musings and Mutterings:

  • Maff offered to ring around prior to games if the skipper was struggling to get a team together
  • We should aim to get to the pub after nets on a Thursday to discuss stuff and drink beer.
  • Maff gave a team talk 8 months in advance of his skippership —- and was still talking at 11.00pm with enthusiasm about an opening attack containing Musso and Gusset!
  • The web site was discussed. The Meisters need content to make it work. Send anything and everything you have or produce to A&E or Esso.
  • A&E (in hurt tones and with a demonstration of his hand action) “I do spin the ball and it does turn!”

Predictions Also Recorded:

  • Musso will take his 500th wicket (many, many jugs long into the night)
  • If Niall scores 100 he will buy 100 jugs.
  • If Siddo scores a 50 he will buy all the beer all night (did I really say that? Yes you did!)
  • A&E declared he would take 20 wickets in the season – no word on any beer though (probably no need as this seems highly unlikely)
  • Esso to beat personal best (needs some research)
  • Maff #1: 50 in first game – bottle of wine for everyone in the pub after (which is presumably why he played in such a cavalier fashion once he passed 25 last Sunday…)
  • Maff #2: 50 against Twineham and Wineham – champagne for all!

Siddo

Notes From the Skippers Meeting – Held at the Battle of Trafalgar Some Weeks Ago

Saturday, April 26th, 2008


Games Still Requiring a Skipper:

  • Headliners – May 11
  • Tangmere – May 18
  • Portslade – June 22
  • Brighton Xiles – June 29
  • Patcham – July 6
  • Lewes St Michaels – July 13
  • Ditchling – July 20
  • Hove Unicorns – Sept 7

Come on you eager skippers – let’s be having you…

Meanderings, Musings and Mutterings:

  • Maff offered to ring around prior to games if the skipper was struggling to get a team together
  • We should aim to get to the pub after nets on a Thursday to discuss stuff and drink beer.
  • Maff gave a team talk 8 months in advance of his skippership —- and was still talking at 11.00pm with enthusiasm about an opening attack containing Musso and Gusset!
  • The web site was discussed. The Meisters need content to make it work. Send anything and everything you have or produce to A&E or Esso.
  • A&E (in hurt tones and with a demonstration of his hand action) “I do spin the ball and it does turn!”

Predictions Also Recorded:

  • Musso will take his 500th wicket (many, many jugs long into the night)
  • If Niall scores 100 he will buy 100 jugs.
  • If Siddo scores a 50 he will buy all the beer all night (did I really say that? Yes you did!)
  • A&E declared he would take 20 wickets in the season – no word on any beer though (probably no need as this seems highly unlikely)
  • Esso to beat personal best (needs some research)
  • Maff #1: 50 in first game – bottle of wine for everyone in the pub after (which is presumably why he played in such a cavalier fashion once he passed 25 last Sunday…)
  • Maff #2: 50 against Twineham and Wineham – champagne for all!

Siddo