Brighton Beamers Cricket Club

All was well in beamerdom as the team made efforts to ready themselves for Devon. A sprightly bowling performance reduced Ditchling CC to 131 all out. The Honours go to Tounguester for a 4 fer, A&E for 3-11 and smith for 2-24. All good. Nice ground, interesting tea (chicken and coriander anyone?), and sporting oppo, meant we were always gonna struggle.

Chafey opens and forgets he needs to be in his crease. Pete wafts and Maf swooshes 7-3 of 5. Why oh why. Smith and B Rigby steady the ship and put on 40. Rigby unable to contain his excitement makes a mess of a half volley, his pants, and the opposition catch something nasty. Smith and Tonguester continue before Umpire Jeremy lifts a certain finger to dispatch smith to pavilion on 49. Tonguester and Frank put on a stately but assured 42 before frank falls to a doosra leaving j cave to mop up the final runs. Beamers win by 3 wickets. A good game all round.

Dear all,

Tour Details:

Click on the links for maps and directions.

As usual we shall be camping at

Cherry Tree Farm
Putsborough Road
Croyde
N Devon
EX33 1NH

Links: Website, Google Map, MultiMap

Most will be arriving on Wednesday evening, but some will be arriving at the first game directly.

The first game is on Thursday at Bratton Fleming
v Bratton Fleming
31 July, Thurs 2.30


The second at Ilfracombe This is a 2.00pm START
v Ilfracombe
01 August, Friday 2.00pm

Finally North Molton
v North Molton
02 August, Sat 2.30


If anyone needs transport please contact the Beamers mailing list.

How quickly skippers words to his opening bat Private Smith seemed to collapse into dust as not even out of the carpark before the game Beamers captain for the day, going under the codename Burt Reynolds, appeared to have little idea where the kit was. Any semblance of credibility was further undermined when 23 Beamers , their 22 wives, their 21 lovers and off spring all turned up to the Dripping Pan en masse. Maf had excess baggage and so a clumsy quick cull ensued. On the positive side Cat looked in fine fettle, the Beamers youth policy were keen and some old faces were welcomed back onto the teat. However dark clouds loomed above like Thora Hird's hips.


St Michael's narrowly won the toss and Beamers were put into bat at 2.13pm BST. By 3.59pm BST they were all out for 85. Lateral swing, poor shot selection and niavety all claiming motherhood of this low scoring child. Field Marshall Francis Rigby's measured knock the only outward display of resistance to a spirited bowling effort from Lewes.

Tea was served. Tea was ate. Frank gave way to Musso and doom begat defeat. Skippers sheet of A4 tactics was scribbled on as attack the only option. Burt Reynolds once graced a film called The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and as I scribbled I dearly wished I was in that little magical house too, and I would not have cared if it was actually in Goole. Cricket seeming to have lost its sense of abracadabra.

St Michael's took to the crease with some arrogant gusto, reverse sweeping attempts off opening bowlers never steady skippers heart rate. The low total was reached with three days to spare. Again however there was some silver lining as Smiffie skittled wickets at almost metronomic regularity, the first bowl of each of his overs.

The scorebook was handed over to Musso, team photos were snapped and Johnners sensitively asked skipper for his subs and match fee. As I handed over the £30 I felt ruefully how it could have been more wisely and recklessly spent in any little house in Texas.

beam on

maf

A hoard of Welshmen (aka Pwllheli CC ) are due to arrive in Brighton on Sunday 21st September.

I shall be offering to play alongside my long lost brethren, but suspect the 4 1/2 pints of Welsh blood in me will not be enough to qualify for a place.

Hi Beamers,

For those who can still remember.

Remember Towser, well he's now playing internationally.

Marvellous.

Have a look here:

The slumbering ex giant (rtd) of the Beamers upper middle order is stirring. He wants to know...are you ready?

Can you feel it? The hangover will be as deep as the Beamers tail, the cake as lush as Dave's hair, the sandwiches as classic as Maff's jokes, and the outfield as green as the 2008 recruits, God help them. (No, not you Frank we need someone with some proper qualifications).

Northants weekender bender. It's bigger than you, me and evvverrrybody. Are you ready? Just look at the damage caused. So are you up for it? Of course you are. Just comment on this, use the spreadsheet or drop me a line and I'll sort you out with a place.

Who knows, I might even make it to nets before hand....

This is your first rallying call for the weekend of the 14th June...I say..."C'mon fat boys, let's spank some country ham".

Google availability sheet

sx

With the sight and sound of the IPL Cheerleaders still resonating around the minds of some of the squad, Brighton Beamers CC began the 2008 season with a tricky away game against Southern Cross at Horsdean. Despite the motions passed and the new resolve pledged around improving communication and organisation at the AGM, preparation for the match was marred by what can only be poetically described as a “fuck up” in getting an agreed time to start play. Fingers were pointed, aspersions flung and rockets prepared for the tired arse of an absent absent-minded old skool Beamer. On the positive side a handsome new scorebook was available, its purchase no indication of guilt as to who had lost the previous one. (Last time I recall it was in the back of Musso’s car, anyway there’s no need here for spurious recriminations right now so let's get on with the match report.)

The Beamers welcomed three new members to the fold - Ben, Dave and James Dean - as well as welcoming A&E’s new boots and Frank's new circus like warm up routine.


The sky was blue, the sun shone and all was good in Beamerland. The toss was then lost and eyebrows raised, as, put into bat on a damp pitch, some Beamers thought their place in the order did not reflect previous close of season form with the willow. Of more concern was the state of The Cats’ kit and the hint of whisky breath. Whilst admitting he had been heavily on the lash with some young kittens the night before he assured comrades that his ability behind the stumps would remain the same.

God and Pete opened and strode out to the crease with the purpose of lions ready to devour antelope, wildebeest and the Southern Cross opening attack: guile and artistry their chosen cutlery for the feast. Unfortunately a spoon would have been preferable as the spongy pudding of a wicket saw God back to the pavilion for an unusually low score. Enter the entertaining Woodworm sponsored number 3, and although the game was young he evidently felt the need to push the run rate along. A few mistimed swipes and some boundaries, which those Bangalore beauties no doubt would have swooned and cooed over, raised the tempo. It was not to last; the calming influence of Pete evaporated with his own departure and ‘The Entertainer’ played across the line once too often - out for forty - ouch!!. A&E sagely noting that any score on ‘that’ pitch is worth double. Newbies Ben, Dave and James Dean all tried to keep the pace up-beat but the pitch and the bowling was unforgiving and unforgivable. Beamers 56 for 5 and only 70 minutes gone.

The sky became greyer and the sun became shy. Darkness loomed like an uninvited Uncle on Xmas day. Never mind - hope was not yet a distant cousin: Marlon, Caveheart and Siddo were still full of intent, Sunday lunch and something to prove. Alas and alack their efforts were not to bear much more fruit and when the Beamers' final partnership of jonners and dobmeister ended like a sorry romance we woke up and realised we had posted only 90 for the oppo to chase.




One sensed that the antelope and wildebeest were skipping smugly to the waterfront - yes even the wildebeest seemed to skip . But how glorious it is to see God give the nod to Cave and Marlon, and to witness their untamed purpose. With an opening attack like these soul brothers how could we fail to score on the dancefloor. Perhaps a little too untamed though as Marlon begins the season with a ‘Harmiston’ that even the The Cat can’t save. However the Beamers are, as ever, “on their toes, looking lively and staying focused”. Pride the only emotion as each fielder emoted belief in their capacity to make a difference. Obama supporters in North Carolina may chant “Yes We Can!” with gusto and brio but for a few minutes in Patcham on Sunday so did The Brighton Beamers Cricket Club and somehow it meant more. And then HOWZAT!! A fantastic caught and bowled by Caveheart was followed by an awesome skittling of the stumps by Marlon. Game On?

Canny as ever, God ensured slip placement was inch perfect and that during the tea break no wayward Beamer was to entertain the back of the pavilion with urine. “There are toilets inside” . Was it the tea break, the chocolate buns, the weak greased tea or the grandiose surroundings that broke the new found belief? Despite burning the Southern Cross to 65 for 6 (approximately) Beamers dropped some hard catches that could have altered history. Victory was not to be. An awesome caught and bowled by James Dean, some excellent fielding from Ben, Siddo and Marlon were all to no avail. The talented Southern Cross late order dispatched the tiring Beamers for the required etc etc with four overs remaining. Whilst some might rue this defeat, there was enough to ensure that Palmers will quake again at the thought that next Sunday a sharper, more battle hardened and hungry Beamer-shaped lion will roar at Hove Rec. Viva The Beamers!! Viva those sweethearts of Bangalore!!

Maf

Labels: Match Report

Games Still Requiring a Skipper:

• Headliners - May 11
• Tangmere - May 18
• Portslade - June 22
• Brighton Xiles - June 29
• Patcham - July 6
• Lewes St Michaels - July 13
• Ditchling - July 20
• Hove Unicorns - Sept 7

Come on you eager skippers - let's be having you...

Meanderings, Musings and Mutterings:

• Maff offered to ring around prior to games if the skipper was struggling to get a team together
• We should aim to get to the pub after nets on a Thursday to discuss stuff and drink beer.
• Maff gave a team talk 8 months in advance of his skippership ---- and was still talking at 11.00pm with enthusiasm about an opening attack containing Musso and Gusset!
• The web site was discussed. The Meisters need content to make it work. Send anything and everything you have or produce to A&E or Esso.
• A&E (in hurt tones and with a demonstration of his hand action) “I do spin the ball and it does turn!”

Predictions Also Recorded:

• Musso will take his 500th wicket (many, many jugs long into the night)
• If Niall scores 100 he will buy 100 jugs.
• If Siddo scores a 50 he will buy all the beer all night (did I really say that? Yes you did!)
• A&E declared he would take 20 wickets in the season – no word on any beer though (probably no need as this seems highly unlikely)
  
• Esso to beat personal best (needs some research)
• Maff #1: 50 in first game – bottle of wine for everyone in the pub after (which is presumably why he played in such a cavalier fashion once he passed 25 last Sunday...)
  
• Maff #2: 50 against Twineham and Wineham – champagne for all!

Siddo

What Day? Every Thursday until the end of term, starting on April 17th
Where? Brighton College, Eastern Road
What Time? 18:15-20:00

Tell Your Friends

Labels: Nets

Musso, Our Honourable Fixtures Secretary, has the great pleasure to announce that a bevy of Beamers will be spotted behaving badly in the cause of Beamerhood at the following venues against the following opposition on the following dates and and at the following times:

Day	Date	Time	Opposition	H/A	Ground
Sunday	20/04/2008	1430	Southern Cross	A	Horsdean
Sunday	27/04/2008	1400	Palmers	A	Hove Rec
Sunday	04/05/2008	NG	BANK HOLIDAY
Sunday	11/05/2008	1430	Headliners	A	Cuckfield
Sunday	18/05/2008	1400	Tangmere	A	Tangmere
Sunday	25/05/2008	1430	Chigwell	H	Preston Park
Sunday	01/06/2008	1430	Preston Park	H	Preston Park
Sunday	08/06/2008	NG	NG
Saturday-Tour	14/06/2008		Northants	A
Sunday-Tour	15/06/2008		Northants	A
Sunday	22/06/2008	1400	Portslade	A	Benfield Valley
Sunday	29/06/2008	1430	Brighton Xiles	A	East Brighton
Sunday	06/07/2008	1430	Patcham	H	Preston Park
Sunday	13/07/2008	1400	Lewes St Michaels	A	Convent Field, Lewes
Sunday	20/07/2008	1400	Ditchling	A	Ditchling
Sunday	27/07/2008	NG	NG
Thursday-Tour	31/07/2008	1430	Bratton Fleming	A	Bratton Fleming
Friday-Tour	01/08/2008	1400	Ilfracombe	A	Ilfracombe
Saturday-Tour	02/08/2008	1430	North Molton	A	North Molton
Sunday	10/08/2008	NG	NG
Sunday	17/08/2008		TBA
Sunday	24/08/2008	NG	BANK HOLIDAY
Sunday	31/08/2008	1400	Southwick Wanderers	A	Plumpton College
Sunday	07/09/2008	1330	Hove Unicorns	A
Sunday	14/09/2008	1330	Watersfield	A	Watersfield
Sunday	21/09/2008		TBA	H	Preston Park
Sunday	28/09/2008	1300	Twineham & Wineham	A	Twineham

The Honourable Fixtures Secretary would also like to remind prospective skippers to make their availability known to him as soon as possible.

Beam on.

Labels: Fixtures

The Right Hon. Rob, The Secretary of Nets, is pleased to confirm the following dates and times for the annual wrenching of the joints:

Tuesday March 4th, 9:00-1o:00pm
Tuesday March 11th, 9:00-1o:00pm

Would members be kind enough to notify the Secretary of their attendance.

Labels: Nets

The Elephant Trophy was passed from Son to Father on Saturday night as the Beamers celebrated the season at the Red Snapper
Simon Brett brushed off heavy competition from other newcomers John Riches and Maff for silliest of the season - the Churney Moment - for his, er, interesting approach to things gastronomic.
And of course to finish things off, an anthem ((c) Parrot):

John Riches reports:

Brighton Beamers AGM, The Battle of Trafalgar, 11^th October 2007

(NB: Maf and John R showed their naivety and first-year enthusiasm by turning up ‘8 for 8.30pm’, whilst the Chair, Siddo, strolled along at something approaching 8.45. Maf and John R have learned their lesson.)

In attendance: Maf, Jonners, John R, Andrew, Steve E, Simon Smith, Siddo, Frank, Rob N, Jeremy, Hugh

1) Minutes of Last Meeting: Last Year’s minutes were nowhere to be found.

2) Apologies for Absence: Pete, Wayne, Niall.

3) Treasurer’s Report: Jonners managed to lose the bit of paper with the vital numbers on it on the way to the pub, but a quick recount on his part revealed that we have a bank balance of 614.00, plus 153.00 in cash. Musso still owes 9.00 subs. We have a 245.00 bill for pitches, but as we didn’t play two of the matches we should be able to reduce it by £98.00. This means we have a balance of £620.00.

Subs will therefore stay the same: £5.00 games, £3.00 nets.

Jonners brought up lack of people who have paid their 25.00 yearly subs – with Mark, Wayne, Gordy and Riggers (with a student rate of 15.00) to be shamed into paying - and it was decided that we should continue with the present policy of giving an ‘introductory offer’ of one year’s free membership subs.

Jonners was thanked for his sterling (Geddit?!) work over the past year.

4) Kit: Dave Arthur is current Kit Monitor. We have 450.00 to spend on bats, balls etc, and Simon Smith will do this, as well as researching cost of a bag. Jeremy will store the kit.

5) Fixtures: Musso read from the fixture sheet for 2006, which rather made a point about where we’re all at with communication…

All fixtures were enjoyed, and sanctioned for next year, except for Ham and Petersham, who we should move to another date (i.e. not the weekend after Northants tour, which we should leave blank or have a very local game), and Mountfield, who we should try at home and earlier in the season.

Maf complained of a number of people stealing his cigarettes.

Northants should go ahead as usual. Devon should be moved back by one week. Rob Benfield is The Beast.

Musso was thanked for his matchless (Geddit? Geddit??!) Fixture Secretaryship.

6) Communication: the Big Issue is that the round-robin e-mail method of recruitment – which ‘operates’ alongside the declarations of player availability on the website - is deemed by some of the Captains – especially Simon S - to be cumbersome, not very useful and a pest to all those who gets the e-mails who aren’t concerned with the actual selections.

Frankly, the following 30 minutes started to get hazy due to the large jugs (stop it, now) of the local brew which were starting to appear ever more regularly. Highlights and actions were:

• Simon Smith optimistically stating that he should be able to name the team that he wants to play the week before, and everybody to know where they stand.
• Rob N, magisterially echoing Plato or somesuch, declaiming that ‘the system is ok, but only as good as the people who use it’.
• The Captains will be selected in February.
• An EGM will be held halfway through next season, to confirm future Captains.
• We all need a hard copy of the Fixtures.
• Frank currently has the Captain’s Log.
• We should try and enforce people declaring availability on the website database.
• The Captains should use whatever selection method - e-mail, telephone, website - suits them best.
• Jonners offering a chastening rejoinder to Rob’s earlier political declamation: ‘There’s no perfect system’.
• Steve is going to strip down the website and make it simpler to use, and somebody mentioned some sort of nebulous ‘Spirit of the Website’ gubbins.
• Andrew will manage website content.

7) Officers confirmed for next year: Jonners as Treasurer, Musso Fixtures Secretary, Webmasters Steve E and Andrew, Rob N Nets (and will book some winter ones), Siddo Secretary, Simon Smith Tour Manager Northants, The Beast Tour Manager Devon, and Siddo Devon Selector.

8) A.O.B.: *We should maintain recruitment drive.

* Where’s the fucking scorebook???

* When & where the Cocktail Party: most likely is the 22^nd December, Siddo (I think) John R and Hugh said they may host, and Jeremy offered organisational help.

For some reason, Simon S mentioned here that he is still Membership Secretary, but he’s not happy at the moment…

Beamers 2007 season: P15, W8, L3, D5, 8 lost to rain.

As is traditional, Hugh closed the evening with a beautifully rendered poem, summing up the evening - and, indeed, the indomitable spirit of the hallowed Beamers – with 5 verses delivered as only a man of the cloth can; slurred.

End.

A draw for the last game of the season, as reviewed by the oppo:
TWCC v Brighton Beamers September 30th 2007
Twineham and Wineham Cricket Club's generally unremarkable season ended unremarkably as the Beamers, never looking like getting the required runs, played out for a draw. A resurgent Twineham batted first, Captain Simon having lost the toss, and the top of the order scored well in the face of some hostile bowling. All of the top five got in and played well. Paul, out for 12, unlucky when he was taking his bat away from danger and the ball got up further than it should and took an edge on the way through to the keeper. Tony a really good 31, Mikey - in for a long time and doing another great job - top scored with 34. Steve, 30 in no time. Richard, 19. Lots of good runs, and not what TWCC have managed to do often enough this season. George, in at 6, and skipper Jim only managed 5 between them but then the not-out Steinkes sorted out the last few overs with Matt on 10 and Phil on 15. All these runs kept adding up and the Beamers found they needed 165 to win - a good total on the Twineham wicket this season.
A quick tea in the interests of not getting into the twilight zone, and the Beamers set about their task. Good bowling from all, really, and the total never looked within reach for the visitors. Matt and Richard opened, Matt 9 overs, 2 maidens, 2 for 16; another great spell. Richard, 5 overs 2 maidens, 1 for 5 - again, not giving anything away. Time for Mikey and, although the ball was swinging a bit - his trademark - it was getting wetter and heavier in the early evening dew and it soon stopped doing much for him in his spell of 5 overs 1 maiden, 1 for 16. Phil, 5 wickets in his previous game, was soon at it again, taking 2 wickets in his 7 over spell for 18 runs. Jim, feeling good about his bowling, even managed a wicket in his 4 overs, 2 maidens, 1 for 9.
The beamers were getting through their batsmen all this while, but up until the last 10 overs were still in with a chance of getting the runs, but after that it became clear that the shop was being shut up. Time for George's tempters; no bites. Then, with 6 overs to go on came Matthew Brock who charged in and impressed the selectors mightily, ending with figures of 3 overs 0 for 5. Paul, still trying to force a wicket from the Downs end (3 overs, 0 wickets for 11) was removed for the penultimate over to see if Honza (gully extraodinary) could create a chance, but by then all was over as the Beamers merely fended everything off for the draw; 105 for 7.

How little The Sun newspaper knew this week when they wrote a random
article about animals, the RSPCA and a once respected barrister that
on Sunday at Braypool The Beamers were to win handsomely again and
that a bone fide rotund dobber was to be canonised. Modena might
lament Luciaono Pavarotti this weekend we didn't. Our aria was sung
by a 'six for' not a tenor.

A thousand motorbikes and the occasional lovely Lambretta noisily
descended upon Brighton, all not to witness a frankly glorious display
of Cricket by a cool squad of mods, bikers, bowlers and strikers.

East Brighton's array of Newberry bags and their matching shirts
dazzled some Beamers. Not Lord Chaff of Lactation and Mr Smith as they
agreed to umpire practically naked, with the confidence of men who
have little opportunity nowadays to show their nipples to their wives

Frank, skipping with artistry, asked for volunteers to open with him,
Simon 'I eat live foxes' Brett took the baton with gusto. A 35 over
limited game required guile and after the East Brighton twins were
subdued Riggers came to the crease to ease Beamers nerves. Run rate is
vital in these kinds of matches, and as Golden Arm G was mulling an
early declaration maf thought the tempo needed to be upped. A swish
and a swat, all very artless but effective..until 'Umpire' Jonners
gives him out to one that hit his 'glove' ie. neck. Wicket keepers
angel delight.

No fear though as Smiffie confidently spanks a few strays and the
scoreboard clicks along. Beamers' concentration only marred as a
boundary warm up for Lord nearly kills a baby, tension mounts as Mr
Brett advises Maf to apologise. Team spirit evaporates and we all
wonder if our insurance policy covers such likelihood, we regroup and
thank God we aren't in Portugal at the moment.

Back to cricket and Riggers looking stable, near his fifty and playing
some assured strokes is joined at the feathered crease by Cave.
Beamers 140 ish for 5 . Mutterings on the boundary that 200 is on
despite Golden Arm still pondering a declaration. Cave has other ideas
and plays shots that Matthew Hayden only dreams about, a wonderful
return to form. Beamers spent at 192, all batsmen in double figures!
"Give us some watered down orange, a bit of cheese and chutney and
some E numbered whipped cream scone to boot" the Beamers cry. East
Brighton WAGS deliver and the world seems ok again.

Siddo imbued with the thought of an elongated poster of Alan "sniffer'
Clarke in his car, and the RSPCA's only friend, open the attack for
the Beamers. East Brighton look bereft, confused and elsewhere. After
10 overs the score card states 29 for 1, a flat riposte to their
limited oeuvre. Field placement is cunning but catches are dropped and
a sense of worry erupts as we note Andrew 'A and E' Eaton is
struggling to cough and move at the same time. The East Brighton
number three then accelerates with two peaches but is OUT..So OUT to a
Brett catch at deep long on from some magic from Golden arm. Smiffie
thunders in and bowls like a man possessed, staring the bat down after
nearly putting him in hospital. Testosterone outlets on a Sunday a
lovely substitute drug for those not getting any sex.

All seemed so humdrum, so Sunday, so early September until Frank
uttered the now legendary phrase " Andrew next over please". Some
Beamers were doubting Gods judgement, some observed 'A and E's " down
beat body language, his malady since the tea break and the struggle to
bend over. Surely this was madness at Braypool! But fools we were.
With a run up that requires only one shoe and an arm that inspires
only one rule Eaton precedes to devour the middle order. Dobtasic!!![Photo]
Eased to fame with a wonderous catch from Riggers and some psychology
from Smiffie East Brighton were so oppressed they might have thought
about fleeing to the west. With figures of four overs 6 for 34 'A and
E' needed to be taken off, and he was . Then a superb caught and
bowled by the promising seamer maf, and a wicket for Lord finally put
the East Brighton homeless puppies to bed.

Jugs were so aplenty that evening at the Battle that even Jonners got one. Guilt I presume?

Beam On!!!!