Brighton Beamers Cricket Club

Like a team without a trusting BBC mission statement or a troupebereft of new erotic Latin moves the Beamers came into this crunchmatch, against the oddly named Southwick wanderers from Plumpton , low onconfidence. As the usual gaggle of has beens and dancing queensassembled spirits were raised by three sterling discoveries; LordChafey of Lactation was present, Frank was skipper and Maf was veryunlikely to bowl. After the Southwick skip dithered at the toss heeventually decided to put Beamers into bat, an error it was totranspire of Rose West proportions. Johnners choose to umpire with asubtle red pullover and somehow despite this cardinal faux pas oneknew everything was going to be all right. Pete, hung-over, but fullof arched back purpose and Frank opened against a lively accuratepair of seam. Scoring was not the required course of action, and afterwhat seemed an hour Beamers were 43 for 1 off 376 overs with the twomain Southwick attack seen off. Then as a new pair of village dobbers,the still on trial Phil Spector and a sleeveless ( that's NOT cricket) Right said Fred, throwing the leather sphere Beamers eventually found runs with gusto, brio and yes you guessed it - panache!! But wait! there goes the Lord run out and the Smith to astraight pistol whip from Spector. Calypso Collapso? No Sir! Some finetail wagging from Rob and Golden arm ensured a meritable total of 154. Bring on the penguin biscuits and tea. Skipper , thoughtful as ever,had an ocean of bowlers to employ and he knew some poor whale wouldneed to be culled, Maf seemed the obvious choice. Harpooned from theequation with Japanese scientific efficiency, never to surface againThe restart and Beamer Team spirit was overflowing as the match ballwent missing and we all ganged together to find it, no sense ofrancour just an overwhelming professionalism. Renshaw opened the riposte and immediately the bananas were flying, he might be pisseasy to twat in the nets but on his day this boy is a monkey ofcheekydom. Southwick were Tarzans without Janes, and the wickets felllike coconuts on the Preston Park ground. Beamers were on their toes, everyone pumped and full of purpose, even Pete gaining some encouragement from the Lord's praises. Sensing some looseness in the fielding Johnners took it up on himself to utilise the famous Beamerbattle cry " Look lively Beamers!!" and so they did: a wicket from Rob, a re jigging of field placements from skip and then a wondercatch from a nonchalant non bowler but established batsman . As everthere is always some fly in the ointment and the Southwick openerwas still flashing the blade. However a turning point and afterhaving to collect another long hit in the field next over Smith ran in with a personal mission statement and blood pouring from his eyes…What a Yorker! What a Bowler!. The Southwick spine snapped. Various things then might have happened but I was too busy limberingup in hope to note. Finally Phil Spector came in to try and blockfor an hour but despite the enthusiasm flagging from the Glasgowmedia group Beamers took the last wicket and we all ran toward the milk of human kindness , a shower and a pint. THis was a game, a victory and a performance that can be summed up in two words (no , not 'off peg', 'stay focussed', or 'pint please') but TEAM SPIRIT - everyone's a contributor in this victory... Beam on!