Brighton Beamers Cricket Club

Soggy Ham Sandwich

Straight from making history at Northants, the Beamers and 4 generations of Caves assemble at Ham.

The story so far: after years of fasting in the wilderness, in summer 2003 the Beamers assuaged their want with a feast of runs before applying the skewer to the Ham batsmen. Victory by 100+ runs. All this despite heavy sledging from senior Caves and constant attempts to seduce errant Beamers away from the task in hand with offers of exotic bathing facilities.

This year, as part of a resolve to conquer such distraction by confusing loyalties, the chief architectof Ham support, Cave PADC, was drafted in to make up the numbers for a Beamers squad riddled with injury and hangovers from the previous weekend.

Thus, the central question on every Beamers' mind: was the suckling pig ready for slaughter once more? The firm consensus in the Hand & Flower after was that only a proclamation from the heavens saved Ham from the sage and onion.

Ham's maitre d', Bob Jordan, perhaps sensing a strong vegetarian contingent in the boys from Brighton thought Ham'd be safe from the spit by electing to put the Beamers in. How wrong he could have been.

Following to the letter firm instructions from the skipper, Beamers batters feasted on the opening salvos from Ham at 4 an over, took the ballet dancing Penguin in their slavering jaws, gorged and spat him back into the outfield after 6 overs with figures of 0 for 53, then asked for more, this time with extra chilli.

221 for 4.
Arthur 14, Attenborough 27, McKenna 70 no, Smith 60, Siddo 0 (sorry Rob), Lord Chafey 36 no.
Contributions all round then.

Then tea.

And as the Beamers' bowlers sharpened their knives, the rain started. Hopeful of only a short shower all assembled under the trees on the Common waiting for the worst of it to pass.
But then the Lord spoke. From on high a thunderclap announced the futility of desire, the utter wretchedness of kicking an animal when down. What less should we have expected for casting such pearls before swine?

It would be nice to report on evensong and a late communion back amidships. But no. Fayre of this substance demands a pause. Remember though, good things come to those who wait. There's jugs in the bank, dear Beamers, and Smithy & McKenna's buying!